Let me get back
Let me get back
Oh! Hello, I didn’t see you standing in my living room. Perhaps my first question should be, what are you doing standing in my living room?” Oh, I see. Well just because the door was open. What? There was a sign. Well, maybe it was meant for someone else… It was a neon sign, hanging 20 meters in the sky?
It must be a sign, I suppose.
Well, anyways, I’m glad you’re here.
I want you back. I’m sorry I’ve been away. I’ve been, finding myself. You know, exploring the world of game design? Right, baby?
No!!! Of course I didn’t have an affair with Richard Garfield…
No Uwe Rosenberg, no Trzewiczek.
No Knizia, no Bauza, I say no to the set.
No Feld, nor Brand, and this I demand!
Okay, maybe once with Vlaada Chvátil,
I was on the bottle but it didn’t mean anything,
It just happened. Things happen, if you know what I mean
And there they all were in our love covered sheets,
All the game designers I’ve met in my dreams…
I’m going to stop singing now.
I guess when we met, I was in a really low place and this blog helped me through it. It helped me keep myself focused on something when everything else was so very out of focus. I emerged with design ideas and a cool project I can’t talk about.
So, much like the man whose loving wife has paid his way through college, you were left in the dust.
Well, here I am today to talk about the next game design that completely failed. Only, I’m not sure where we left off and I’m too apathetic to look. So we’ll talk about Parkinson’s a little bit and how that’s effected my life most recently.
It turns out that according to the US government I’m disabled. That’s a relief, because I thought it was just me. Everyone told me to anticipate waiting years for approval. I was approved very quickly. So, I don’t know if I just did some things that other didn’t or if I am just that disabled. I have a feeling it’s the latter. I also have a feeling that I’ve got a couple of serious medical treatments coming up this year.
My first visit now will be to the BMV for front row passes and then to the internet to buy this:
The first is shock treatment. Oh, sure, they call it something fancy, like ECT and tell you there’ll be cake. But it’s the same thing they were doing 50 years ago and the Cake is lie. Sending lightning bolts through your brain. My psychiatrist and my Neurologist both say they’ve had very good results with it on Parkinson’s patients.
Some slight… or major memory loss may occur. Want to remember getting married? Nope… sorry sir that door is closed for now. How about the births of your children? Alas, we must keep it from you until you brain finds a way to hotwire itself back together.
The second is DBS, another innocuous name. It is a surgery where the top of your skull is removed while you’re awake and the doctors place electrodes on your brain to determine where exactly they must be placed to help with your symptoms. What could possibly go wrong here?
Needless to say, neither of these sound very appealing to me.
I’m scared. Like, I’m really scared. I’m disabled in my thirties and I don’t think it’s possible I’ll ever go back to normal. There are all these new normals I can picture:
Here’s our first wedding anniversary, and I can’t make the travel arrangements to the special night away we had planned because there’s no way I can sit in the car for 8 hours in a day.
Here’s me bugging everyone and their brother for a ride into town because I’m not able to drive and I need to get out of the house for a little bit and socialize so I don’t become a complete recluse.
Here’s me at age 45 sitting in a wheel chair with drool running down the side of my chin, both hands racing to clatter against my thighs. My legs racing for the ground but all they hit are these metal feet that I’m supposed to keep my feet in.
Here’s me dead at 50.
Quite a few dark thoughts today. I guess I never know what’s coming up. But now I have some new normals for us to think about:
Here’s me with no job related stress, doing what I want with my life, designing games.
Here’s me spending time with our children every day after school.
Here’s me overcoming my symptoms to continue leading a life. Not a “normal” life perhaps, but a life just the same.
This is a transitional period for me. I’ve been in a cocoon and I’m beginning to come out into the world again, maybe. Maybe, I’ll get snatched up by something that eats young butterflies or things in cocoons. Maybe that Hamster mistakes me for a burrito and the video gets 10 million views.
Parkinson’s Sucks… That’s all I have left on the subject. I’ll recommence writing posts that actually pertain to my road of game design as soon as possible. I’ll try to keep the grousing to a minimum.
Billy Board Game is dead… Long live Billy Board Game
As a post script, if anyone else would like to help out with Parkinson’s research. You can give to the Michael J. Fox Foundation here. It’s the best of the lot of non-profits (at least in the US).